Discovering Fian

Positive thinking.

2006-11-02T12:25:00.000+10:30

It has been a very long time since I have felt the need to post. So much has happened and continues to. KD and I are navigating our way through an ocean of emotion, both ours and others. It at times seems as if there are no sign posts, no way of navigating at all and then out of the black comes someone or something that helps you with your direction.

I was recently feeling quite lost. Some external circumstances as outlined in KD's post on poison, (www.powerfulsubmission.blogspot.com), were causing me some heartache. I then read a post from the blog of a wonderfully wise man, John Allison.

I have unashamedly copied this in total. It seems so appropriate and I know that there will be readers who will find it so as well. Please visit his site, it is linked to the title of this post

Please enjoy...

There’s a passage by Francis of Assisi, in which he points out that ‘those who love you, who serve you, who give you food and clothing, do good indeed to your bodies; but those who persecute you, who are angry with you, who injure you, do much more good to your souls’. And he goes on to say that ‘all people are therefore your friends, and no one is to be called an enemy; all are your benefactors, and no one does you harm: you have no enemy except yourselves.’

Now, I don’t think this excuses us; it certainly is not a justification for nastiness. Nor does it validate any pleasure we might derive from seeing someone suffering at the hands of another. But I do think it is a healthy way to look at our own circumstances. If something happens to me, and I blame someone else, perhaps even seeking revenge for the act, apart from a certain smugness and self-righteousness I might feel for a while, in fact I accomplish nothing satisfactory. There’s an old saying, that ‘the sword I would thrust through my enemy’s heart, I have already thrust through my own’. If, instead, I try to understand the degree to which I have conspired in my self-harm, how I have put myself into the situation with such thorough-going effort, then I also find in that situation an opportunity for growth. The other person, towards whom I could readily develop quite a lot of grievance, is really someone I’ve decided I need for my development. I’ve asked for it. Not consciously, but certainly conscientiously. That is, my reluctance to do the work voluntarily leads to it being forced upon me. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross talks of how we avoid our development through acts of denial, anger, and bargaining; if we would come to terms with these theatrical displays, we would then hear the still, small voice of conscience telling us the truth.

This is not a simple attitude-shift. It’s difficult, and most people attempting it will need support. But it is the way to move from being a victim to being a victor over our own circumstances. Everyone knows how tiresome a victim can be; yet we can quite readily inflict the story of how hard it is for us – especially for ‘poor me’! – upon anyone at hand. How much more interesting it is when we hear how previously-undiscovered powers were found in rising to the occasion. And even more interesting, the revelation of those powers through which we caused the occasion!

There’s another great saying: ‘If I do not forgive, I harm myself a second time’. If we incarcerate grievance, it may become carcinoma. Why would we want to do that to ourselves, unless we have indeed decided to thrust the sword through our own hearts? If we get away from the hiss of the Sword, then we can come to the Word. What words then can be spoken, which change situations? Usually they are questions rather than statements. Such questions may begin from ‘Why have I set this up for myself?’ leading to ‘How can I change this situation, to the advantage of everyone?’

Such questions are mild, compared with the statements we could make. But there is steel underneath, for to ask a question paradoxically requires some inner certainty. There is more courage evident in asking an open question than in wearing armour and laying about oneself with a sword.

Exactly one Month

2006-09-15T23:42:00.000+09:30

So as it turns out it has been one month to the day since my last post.
It wasn't supposed to be, it just worked out that way.
IHave been very busy moving houses and getting KD and I settled in to our big new house. Yep. all together now.

So now there at times 5 children in the house and two adults and it is fun at the very least.

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately about the whole D/s thing and how it relates to being a Father/Parent. There are principles inherant in D/s relationships that I think could be good for my son and KD's son to learn.

Of course I can't see myself sitting down and having a discussion about which flogger is best, it's more about the idea of learning leadership and treating women with respect. It's about being strong in your beliefs and yet knowing when your knowledge is lacking.

How does one do all that? I think maybe by living your own life in that way and being an example to the young boys in the house.

It's going to be interesting, that's for sure.

Who could ask for anything more

2006-08-15T07:45:00.000+09:30

Yep. I'm better. It's funny though, I went to all the trouble of engineering a fairly worrying heart condition and do I get my flowers, card and chocolate? No! I got a lovely parcel in the post with some empty wrappers in it(makes note in book).

So on to the next phase.

'Oh dear, I combed my hair too hard and it hurt a bit'.

Does that work for anyone? I that the sound of welling sympathy and concern?.......

Ah well, time to move on.

Here's a question for you. Does a D. need to feel in a safe space in order to be dominant?

I'm getting better

2006-08-10T19:00:00.000+09:30

Hi all,

Yes I tell myself that I'm getting better as I am setting my own agenda. The AF is still giving me the shits but I know that it will pass.(lol)

As some of you are aware KD and I celebrated 12 moons together yesterday and I am feeling so positive about that. We really have a good thing going here.

KD is being a wonderful carer, she even gets to be stern with me if she thinks that I'm overdoing it.

Thanks to all of your well wishing I can feel it working.

Oh and to my darling Sis, if you really have sent me an empty wrapper - boy, are you going to get it.

Poor me

2006-08-06T18:59:00.000+09:30

I'm not feeling very well today. My LAF is playing up and I feel washed out and drained. *sigh*

Yes people this is a blatant and transparent pitch for sympathy.

So please send all your cards, flowers and chocolates to me. KD will eat all the chocolate, throw out the flowers(because of her allergies), and read the cards to me.

No just Kidding. KD is the epitome of solicitousness and I'm lucky to have her. Now where was I? Oh, self pity.........

It's true you know!

2006-08-02T12:03:00.000+09:30

Men live in a fantasy world. I know this because I am one, and I actually receive my mail there.

Having said that I must say that having a place to retreat to within yourself is a neccessity sometimes.

Just don't take up permanent residency. Use a temporary protection visa instead.

Life the Universe and Everything

2006-07-18T07:34:00.000+09:30

things turn out best for the people that make the best of the way things turn out.

Live life, love people,

Spank bottoms!

and only put off till tomorrow that which you are willing to die left undone!

Have you ever wondered?

2006-07-15T18:05:00.000+09:30

I know I have.

I have read my girls post and am prompted to thinking about what a gift KD gives me in her submission.

What is a Dom with no sub?

Growing Fangs and claws

2006-07-12T09:41:00.000+09:30

The following post is a bit of a departure from usual but illustrates some of the essential dynamic between KD and I so I felt it needed to be chronicled

Last night here was an amazing time. The moon was full and bright and it marked the 11th month since KD and I chose to join and share our lives.

KD was a little pre menstrual and I was definately out of sorts so 'though I brought chocolate we were still a little strange. Okay I was more strange, somewhat irritable as if I had put my gruntles down somewhere and lost them.

We finally went to bed and I acknowledged my mood and explained some of what had contributed to it. KD told me that no matter how I was she still wholly loved and supported me. We kissed and began talking of the first time that we had kissed. This led to remembering the feelings and emotions at the time.

Now it may have just been the moon but remebering became real - and a hot lust rose up and fairly obliterated my mind. The talk became more and more provocotive as we talked about the first time we fucked and the first time KD suggested that she might like a little spanking. I then relived the year long process of awakening to being a Dominant in about 30 seconds and that was it!

If I didn't grow hair on the palms of my hands and howl I would be very surprised. It was incredible. I was completely dominating KD physically and mentally, biting, scratching, hitting and growling. She came hard over and over, and although I hadn't I subsided a little dazed and subdued at my own actions.

As we started to fuck again I thought that I had lost some of the impetus that was there a few minutes ago. KD felt it also and she knew what I needed. She took hold of my hands and guided them to her throat, she knew what I needed. She said
'go on just take me, let go....."

To have a woman like KD as my submissive partner is such a gift. She reads me and takes me to where I need to be. She points out the direction and tells me "this way Master, if you please."

I came, and in so doing released so much of what had been lying dormant just below the level of consciousness. I could not do it myself but KD could help me, point out the way and give me the oh so gentle nudge along.

This is her power, her talent. We both help each other synergistically and last night was KD's turn to help me.

I am such a lucky Master!

Full Moon in August is going to be very interesting........

Discordant cyclical self awareness

2006-07-08T17:38:00.000+09:30

In answer to a regular visitor I'll put down some of my thoughts about the reason men lack awareness of their bodies.

It is part of the Male condition that we are seen to be strong and show no sign of weakness. To show weaknes to an enemy is to show vulnerability and a pathway to defeat. We are at war a lot of the time, even when there is no reason to be. Genetically I think the old Hunter Gatherer/Alpha male syndrome still makes itself felt.

Men are governed as much by their hormones as women. We have the testosterone fizzing away in our bloodstream and it leads to awful situations and a high mortality rate. You will only hear men(or adolescents) say "hey, watch this". This often indicates that someone will very soon be seriously injured.

Men still visit a health practitioner less than women. A sign that they are reluctant to admit that the pain they have been experiencing lately may be a cause for concern. Macho bullshit? Perhaps, but it still happens.

Given all of the above , try and get men to comprehend that they have periods! Um hello! If we pissed blood every full moon then you can be sure that we would have found a cure for it or at least committed tens of billions of dollars of research to making it as comfortable and acceptable as possible.

To the male form reading this post don't get the idea that I am dissing the species. I just feel that it is time that we got conscious and realised that there is much more going on than we learned from our fathers. Most of the time we aren't in a combat situation, when we are, by all means get vicious and kill those that threaten our women and children. But in the quiet times get more in touch with your bodies and emotions.

When you do you will have much more chance of understanding your women, outperforming other men and getting laid more often.

The power of a decision

2006-07-08T08:12:00.000+09:30

As Master I look for certain qualities in my Girl.

Submission
Humour
Acceptance
Willingness
Pride
Generosity
Forgiveness
Gratitude

In KD I have found all of these and more. In discovering myself as a Master there are many thoughts and feelings I have come to terms with.

I have found that with KD, a woman who gives so much without expectation of return. That I am moved to perform acts of service for her. This is not some switch tendancy appearing, it is about respect.

I respect KD. I value her acts of submission and her ability to take all that I choose to give her.

She asks for nothing and in so doing ensures that I will do things for her that she needs.

In truth it is less about D/s and more about how best to work any relationship. Respect Honour and Love is what it's all about.

Ouch! is not the safe word

2006-07-04T17:48:00.000+09:30

Alright you lot!

I can see that whilst I've been away you have all been mucking about in my comments page.

You can all stop now, it takes me too long to read them all and I forget where I was up to and have to start from the beginning each time.

You are all allowed to put only one(1) comment each and no more or I'll ask MP to ask M:e to practice on you with a herring and a small crochet needle.

Now just behave!

The wait is over

2006-06-25T17:05:00.000+09:30

Ok, after a long wait and lots of things happening I have finally found some time to sit down and tap out some thoughts.

Thank you all for your plethora of helpful comments. I feel that a new sub genre has created itself. The Uppity. "Oh hi, actually I'm in a D/Us relationship".
"Really?" says the interested listener. "What is that then?"
"It's a Dominant / Uppity sub dynamic, where the Master is never quite sure we'll do as we're told, and we tease other masters whenever we think we can get away with it."

"Oh. Is that confusing?"
"Sure is but it's a hell of a lot of fun and it's worth the smacks for the look on their faces." "In fact I like the discipline that comes after so it"s a win win for me."

Yes my dear friends you all know of what I speak.

So anyway The subject I was originally going to wax lyrical about has been addressed mostly by KD in her post about ice cream. It was mostly about the tendancy to label people and behaviours based on widely promulgated beliefs and codes of society.

So off that soap box and on to another topic.

KD and I had the best weekend!! We went to a BDSM club(a first for us), and by dint of charm and sophistication (on my part)and sheer beauty(on KD's part) we got an invite by the clubs master to the upstairs members only dungeon. Can you have an upstairs dungeon? Anyway we made some friends, we played. KD submitted to my direction and we basically put on a show for the twenty or so people that wished to observe us.

Powerful, confronting, scary and to a large degree damn erotic. We both got so turned on by the act of 'coming out'.

Prior to getting there, we weren't sure how the evening would play out. But it felt right and we felt safe. Didn't leave 'till 3am and were still buzzing.

Fast forward to later in the day and after waking and getting dressed to go out I looked at KD. She was radient! So powerful, so uninhibited, so filled with self confidence that I could barely stop grinning. We both feel so strong together now, I can't believe the difference made by one night out. *sigh*

KD will no doubt post her side soon but I think that we may just go back....

Fian

Oooh I can just feel it

2006-06-16T17:23:00.000+09:30

There's a posting coming, I can feel it and it may even be a really really good one. No time now but just you wait......

Subs with attitude

2006-06-13T13:52:00.000+09:30

Now I'm assuming that what I'm about to relate is nothing new. All Masters must have come accross a sub in a really bad mood. So bad that she stamps, smashes and finds various ways to call you bad names when she's out of reach.

In my earlier days, before discovering fian(BDF), I would have had one of two reactions. One I would have felt guilty and horrible about the conflict and that I was in the wrong. Or two I would have felt guilty and horrible about it and then tried to brazen it out by attacking and shouting to cover my embarrasment.

Neither of these responses are what you might call positive or in fact nothing that one would expect from a Master in the D/s sense. So it was with some surprise and pleasure that when faced with the above situation recently My reaction was different to all the other times.

"Yes my dear sub, I acknowledge that you are really pissed off. This is however something that you will have to deal with being aware that I am controlling all facets of this scenario. I determine the timing and I control the outcome. If you wish still to submit to my will then you shall do so in all ways and at all times".

Is it at all reasonable for your sub to tell you to go fuck yourself? It is not so much what is said but how you deal with it. If you still have your subs respect, a stern look, a softly spoken word or a gesture will command obedience. Do not raise your voice or lose your cool.

A true Master never does this. He waits. Sometimes he waits for longer that he thought he might have to but sooner or later your sub will look up from the hole she has dug herself at the small patch of daylight way way above her and say "oops". Then will come "I'm sorry Master, it won't happen again".

What does a good Master do at this point? Well she is at the bottom of a hole in the ground. Throw her a rope (about 36'), a cane, some cuffs and a gag and get down there and give her a good seeing to of course!

Keeping up appearances

2006-06-03T22:11:00.000+09:30

I am aware now that in updating this blog more frequently than once a month, I am somewhat obliged to keep this up.

So even though it is late right now I am posting so that I can say that I have.

KD and I are now moving closer toward a sort of unified field theory. We are looking at a house to rent together on monday and I can't begin to tell you how pleased we are at the prospect of living together in the one house. All the kids together as well, challenging and exciting at the same time.

I am very much looking forward also to being the head of my own household. It was not a position that I held in my previous house, and I'm ready for it now.

I'll keep you all posted.

2006-06-01T15:42:00.000+09:30

Sometimes you just gotta be a Dom!

The rain in Spain falls mainly on Wales

2006-05-17T22:26:00.000+09:30

Oh what a lovely time I am having.

Wonderful friends, fantastic food, great beer and my woman by my side - can life get any better?

Nope!

Karen and I are now in a wonderful part of the country with a lovely friend that we have discovered. Beautiful Elle.

In travelling around the U.K. we have put much emphasis on just being open to collecting experiences and meeting and knowing people. There is such joy in just being open to people and not making any pre judgements. We have met people on the road, in pubs and cafes and other sometimes unlikely places.

The thing thet we have found is that without exception the people we have met are fantastic. To date we have been offered accomodation in every part of the country, had drinks literally forced upon me in a pub lockout (oh dear :) ) and travel advice that we wouldn't get from anyone but a local.

Karen and I are now staying with Elle and we have found a true friend who is generous and warm both spiritually and physically and fortunate indeed are the people who are counted among her friends. Over the top? (No Elle it's not).

Karen and Elle are chatting on the sofa behind me as I type and really it feels like we have known each other for a lot longer. Not so much international visitors but friends from across the road who have dropped in for a cup of tea.

And being able for the first time to talk about DS stuff in a lounge room as openly as one would discuss the weather - and yes there has been much discussion on that (cold) front. So chatting on a rainy day with no plans to do anything except talk and then take them out to dinner later.

Must go now as food has arrived. Shame we wont be here for the weekend, it sounds very interesting, grins and winks to those participants.

2006-05-04T21:57:00.000+09:30

Okay, so for some as yet inexplicable reason there seems to be about a month between posts.

It may have something to do with the fact that KD is so prolific and often writes of things that are shared experiences between us, that I don’t feel the need to add anything.

Alternatively it may just be that I am a lazy bugger, who only stirs himself when convenient to do so.

Hmmmm. I choose the former .

So my dear brothers and sisters as you all should know(if you keep track of the myriad posts and comments on various blogs), KD and I are now on the 48 hour countdown to flying all the long way from parochial Australia to cosmopolitan England. We are actually extremely excited by this trip and KD is apt to squeaking at odd moments and clapping her hands together. I am of course cool and masterful, indulging her yet making sure she is on a tight leash at all times.

I am maintaining the line that we will have sex at least twice on the flight to Dubai and once on the leg to the U.K. She is very nervous about the prospect of being discovered during this activity, but rules are rules and it is my requirement. It’s just that there’s something about public places and the prospect of being caught that adds some spice to lovemaking.

I have discovered that taking the dominant role in this relationship of ours is so liberating. I am assured of my position of adored partner, just as KD is assured of my unswerving loyalty to her and the protection and caring that I give to her. We communicate on a daily basis about how our needs are being met and if one needs or wants for anything.

The most amazing dynamic that I have discovered though is that being the master does not preclude being nurtured by my sub. There are times where I feel the need for a cry or a hug or both. KD is a wonderful caring and nurturing woman who can put my head in her lap and stroke my hair and whisper that ‘it’s all going to be ok’.

You see there may be the pre-conceived idea that men and masters do not or should not have the need for that type of comfort.
That we are strong and can hold it all together, show leadership to their sub and others and be a mans man. There is that aspect and yes I do hold it together and lead KD when it is required, that is my role. And yet the very balance that I believe is present in all successful relationships demands a time for the dom to be sub(hiss of indrawn breath). A time for the guard to go down and to submit/allow themselves to be comforted.

This is usually a very private moment and one that is seldom spoken of. I have felt this alot in the last couple of months and was at first a little confused about how it fitted within KD’s and my relationship. I knew that I had a need to curl up and let her hold me and I was concerned that to do so would make her think less of me in the role of her master. I realised however that it was in fact strengthening our bonds and that once I had accepted my ‘healing time’ that I was much better equipped to become the man she needed.

Phew! 40 hours to go……and counting. See you soon Elle.

2006-04-03T16:47:00.000+09:30

Well it has been sometime since I updated this blog and a lot has happened. I won't go into all of it, there's a lot you can piece together from Karen's blog. I probably need to ramble a bit about various life issues, that I observe as I walk on my path.

We (Karen & I),have had ups and downs and are now at a point with each other that is wonderful and challenging all at the same time. We are now going to try for a child within the next few months and then we will look to moving in with each other. I didn't really see myself doing this all again at 40 but as I am coming to realise, you are only as old as the woman you feel. Exploring the paths that Karen and I find ourselves on now is fantastic and is generating such growth for us both.

I am coming to terms with the whole mid life crisis thing. It can really get you down. It is something within the male psyche that causes these feelings of panic at around 40. 'What am I doing'? 'How will people remember me?' 'What legacy am I leaving when I'm gone?' and, 'My god, after 40 years of life this is all I've got to show for it? ARRRRGH!!'

Discovering my role as Dom to my Karen has made so much sense out of the confused morass of feelings and emotions that I was submerged in whilst in my previous marriage. I was a Dom who was being over ridden by the emotional landslide of my ex wife. I found self preservation in withdrawal, physically energetically and emotionally. I felt emasculated within the controlling sphere of a dominant partner. Not a good place for a man who in his heart is more comfortable as a Dom himself. Why did I let myself get into a situation like that? There is no simple answer, but it took me 12 years to figure out that I had to get out or risk losing all of my own identity as a man and as an individual.

Karen and I found each other, by the thinnest of threads and she was a catalyst for me to realise what I was going through. It is arguable that I left my then wife for Karen. It is also true that had I not gone then, that I would have made the move on my own at some stage.

We men are not complex creatures. Our needs are fairly straightforward. We like to know that we are loved and appreciated and looked up to by our women. They in turn like to know they are loved, fiercely and exclusively by their men. That their Man will protect and guide them and can be relied upon to defend their honour when circumstances require it.

To do this conscientiously gives me a wonderful feeling of purpose and achievement that is hard to match in everyday life. Certainly it has helped dispel some of the ‘40 something’ syndrome that I alluded to earlier.

Men. Look after your Woman.

Women let your Men know you look to them and want them.

There you go.

The answer to life the universe and everything!

2006-03-23T15:17:00.000+10:30

This is the advice that I've Taken on board this afternoon and come to a decision that has been so very hard. Karen. As publicly as I can I now ask you if you would consider being my partner in bringing a new life into this world? With all of the considerations that have been through I would like to start soon. Paris would be a great place. No Pressure, no compulsion. Of my own free will do I ask you this. Your Grey Fox

2006-03-23T13:37:00.000+10:30

Take me to Paris Karen

2006-03-23T12:03:00.000+10:30

The Man with a child in his eyes.
(for background story please visit http://www.powerfulsubmission.blogspot.com/ - and baby makes 8)

You know, it's kind of weird reading my lovers post on her blogsite; and because I'm at work the easiest way of puting down my thoughts is to blog them myself. Then she reads them and we eventually get together and talk about it and usually fuck in a delightful way.

So my dear readers I've come to the conclusion that you are being treated by default to some kinky online foreplay, lol.

Not that I mind. I'm unlikely to meet any of you, and in any case. Any publicity is good publicity.

So. Karen and kids, babies and parenting. I love kids and they seem to love me for some reason. I've been a parent for 12 years now and loved every minute of it. I parented 2 kids from other bilogical contributors and had 2 of my own. They are at the root of what gives me pause when deciding to have children with my Karen.

You see this whole seperation thing is incredibly painful to all concerned and especially to two beautiful kids of 9 and 10. Thay are in a confused state and at this stage I am trying to be so careful of how I treat them. You see when Karen and I start our family there will be no question of our living together, it is a given. That of course means that my two have to come to terms with another house, siblings step mum and other stuff.

This is all acheivable but complicated by the negative influence of the Ex (who hates Karen of course). All very Days of our Lives I know but nevertheless real and painful.

The thing is that I desperately want to start a family with Karen. She is my ideal woman and is a fantastic mum. Our kids would be gorgeous and life would be a dream, it's just a balance between biological clocks and unity versus percieved responsibility and consideration.

So Brothers and Sisters, in 25 words or less please post solutions for your chance to win our undying gratitude and a small rubber duck.

2006-03-22T16:42:00.000+10:30

It would be nice to think that we men have some degree of mastery over ourselves as well as our women but that is not always the case.

Last night Karen was in a mood. The kind where she feels all hopeless and pathetic and no good for anything. It was the kind of mood that needs to be nipped then and there before it generates it's own momentum.

Well, here I am thinking that what she needs is a firm guiding hand and some direction. I can do that right? Sure I say to myself, I'm an experienced Dom, I've published a blog; no problem!

But the reality was that at the time I had no more idea of what Karen needed than she did. I knew she was bound up emotionally and needed to let out some big sobs and I felt that with some judicious spanking and rough sex that all would be well. It has worked in the past, but this night seemed different.

It was very late and we were both exhausted from the day and try as I might nothing was shifting her. Have you ever got the feeling that you are trying too hard in something? Well I got that feeling this time and to be honest I was at a complete loss. I wanted to help her and I couldn't. In fact I felt that Karen had beaten me, it was too much for me and I was simply too tired to try any more.

We said goodnight and slept but I had the uneasy feeling that I had failed her. Odd emotions from the supposed master in our relationship. We have both spoken to each other today and things are ok but there is a need I think for more understanding and that will be explored tonight. I'll let you know how it goes.

see ya.

2006-03-21T12:54:00.000+10:30

Well my Woman has got somewhat of a head start with this idea of an online journal and I felt after reading some of her posts that I would like to contribute a little to the idea behind it.

As KD says (www.powerfulsubmission.blogspot.com), we both came from a place of unhappiness and discovered within each other and ourselves a pathway toward healing, understanding and fantastic sex!

Yes, sex is now after many years, an idescribably joyous and fulfilling method of therapeautic self expression and low down dirty fucking. It is a way in which I have come fully into myself as a Man. A Man who is able to look after his woman. This is not a invitation for femminist disagreement and discussion, rather a realisation that it is Ok to be the active dominant partner in a relationship.

It was a revelation to me after years of emasculation that I could be a strong man. That my Woman would look to me for guidance and support in areas where she felt the need, and for me to lay down the law in areas she may not have wanted me to either. It is an exercise in leadership priciples in which you have the absolute trust of another and that my dear readers is a precious thing indeed.

It has taken quite some time for us to feel comfortable in our chosen roles and we still have some way to go I think. But what has come home to me through all of our exploration is the vast respossibility that comes with having the care of someone under you.

My woman, KD. Gives herself to me. It is her powerful gift and it must be treasured and revered. She, in giving of herself also trusts me. Trusts that I will look after her at all times and in all situations. In being Dom and Sub, Giver and Taker I have a responsibility to make sure that she is safe at all times, mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually. Whether my hands are tight around her throat whilst I am fucking her hard or I am helping her over a tricky part of a rock climb. She knows that I will keep her safe from non consented harm.

Those of you who are loving parents will understand some of these sentiments and also how important it is to be worthy of the gift of trust. Those of you who read this and are themselves in the position of Dominant partner must, if you are to be considered worthy of that role.

It is at once fascinating and daunting to know that you have power over someone. It is an incredible turn on to practice it. It is an amazing responsibility to accept that role and those who conduct themselves with honour and love are by default great leaders.